Topping Out

I think that's a made-up phrase, or at least it is in this context. Today I weighed in at

13st 11lbs - 193lbs - BMI 32.1
(a total loss so far of 69lbs - 25lbs to go)

Which pleases me no end and makes me hope that the figure I saw yesterday of 194lbs was my 'topping out' level, ie the highest I'll be getting to before plummeting back down to the safe haven of 12st-something in the near future.

Having said that, Christmas is looming very close on the horizon, my mum is arriving this afternoon for the holidays and there is an awful lot of food and drink in the fridge, the cupboards and even in the garage, and there are only four of us to eat/drink it all...

I need to talk to hubby about when I can scoot up to High Wycombe to see my surgeon for that extra tweek of a fill!

And just in case I don't post again before the weekend, I'd like to wish you all a very healthy and

HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!!!

May the scales be kind to you all.

Refill Shmifill

I finally got round to having a top-up last Wednesday, nearly three months after my much-needed unfill in time for the B00BS meet-up in Chicago (which seems an age away now.) That unfill was a whopping 2mls, taking me down to 7mls in a 10ml band. I was so tight just prior to that unfil that I was suffering from heartburn almost constantly and was surviving on coffee and crackers (or at least it felt that way at the time!)

Obviously I was nervous of ending up back in that position by having too many mls put back in at this top-up, but I was also nervous of having too little put back in since I've been eating like a horse ever since the unfill and have managed to gain A LOT of weight. Should I play safe and ask for 0.5ml or go for broke and have 1ml? Well, the surgeon asked me that self same question and in the end we settled on 0.5ml to be on the safe side. I'll point out here that I actaully asked for 0.75mls but my surgeon only works in halves and wholes - a bit frustrating when I see so many other bandsters having tiny tweeks of as little as 0.1mls added/taken away. Anyway, there's not much I can do about it since I'm not really up to arguing with him. And he did say that if this 0.5mls turned out to be not enough, that he would waive his fee for my next appointment.

Anyway, it looks like my dear surgeon will be wielding his trusty syringe free and gratis next time as this top-up hasn't made much difference. I can definitely feel a little more restriction on certain things like bread, and I am getting fuller more quickly, however that feeling of fullness isn't lasting very long and I'm finding myself snacking between meals just as much as before. According to my surgeon, the buzzword in the banding world these days is: SATIETY, whereas previously it was RESTRICTION. This means that we should be concentrating not on how much/little we eat, but on how long we maintain the feeling of fullness after eating. Has anyone else been told this by their surgeon (or whoever it is who waves the syringe in your direction?) I know that the feeling of fullness can depend a lot on what you've eaten (bread, protein, etc versus crisps, chocolate, etc) but I'm just wondering what other bandsters think of this.

And, because I have to remain accountable, here are the (awful) numbers

13st 12lbs - 194lbs - BMI 32.3

(a total loss so far of 68lbs - 26lbs to go)

That's a gain of 6lbs in less than a week. How is that possible?! I know it's the run up to Christmas and there are an awful lot of chocolates, biscuits and alcohol knocking around, but REALLY?! 6lbs in 6 days?!

Although, I would like to point out that my surgeon is still incredibly pleased with how much weight I've lost and was eager to point out that some of us are just genetically designed to be larger. He even went as far as to say that the last time he'd seen me (just before Chicago and weighing in at 12st 6lbs/174lbs) he thought I was looking a little drawn - does this mean I have permission to eat another biscuit?

Re-fill on the Horizon

Thank goodness! Only two days to go til I see my surgeon and beg for a refill. Can't come soon enough, what with all the glorious Christmas food that's around, and will be around for a good couple of weeks more. I simply have no willpower, so I need the band to help where my brain fails. It's going to be odd going back to actually having 'proper' restriction. I do still have some - for instance, I struggle with sandwiches/bread, and I definitely can't eat as much as I could pre-band, but there's no doubting that I'm eating too much and getting hungry more quickly after I've eaten.

Now, it is TOTM, but I weighed a couple of days ago and had put on ANOTHER 1lb:

13st 6lbs - 188lbs - BMI 31.3
(a total loss so far of 74lbs - 20lbs to go)

The last time I weighed this much was in May - so my unfill at the end of September has undone four months of hard work prior to that - what a bummer.

Dear band, I'm really looking forward to feeling you again!

Reality in numbers

After getting back on the blog wagon I bit the bullet this morning and jumped back on the scales. You know, for that bit of "accountability". Things weren't quite as bad as I thought they might be, considering how tight my trousers feel and how the lardy tyre round my middle section seems to be growing at an alarming rate. I held my breath while the numbers flashed, all the while thinking "I reckon it'll be 13st 10lbs"; turns out it was

13st 5lbs - 187lbs - BMI 31.1

(a total loss so far of 75lbs - 19lbs to go)

Obviously that's not good at all - it's a gain of 13lbs since I had my unfill on 28 September, which means I've managed to gain more than 1lb a week - impressive, non?! My BMI has jumped back over that magic '30' barrier, and from being within 6lbs of my first gial, I'm now 19lbs away from it. Uh-oh. But, salvation in the form of a top-up fill is on the horizon and with that will hopefully come a change in my attitude too. Well, I can hope, can't I?!

And while we're on the subject of numbers - I turned 40 last week. Ouch!

Blog Apathy?

Hmm, I've not blogged for a while. Well, that's not strictly true, I'm keeping my other blog vaguely up-to-date, but this one seems to have fallen by the wayside.

Is it coincidence that I stopped blogging just after I had an unfill? Is it coincidence that I've not blogged about how, since then, my weight has crept up and up and up? In fact I've not even got on the scales for a couple of weeks as I'm too nervous to see what sort of number is going to be looking back at me. I've definitely put on 10lbs, it make even be more like 15lbs now. The unfill has almost taken me back to the olden days of horrendous eating habits, although there is still some restriction - thank goodness. It's like I'm on holiday from the band and, knowing that it will be refilled soon (in 9 days and counting), my head and stomach are in cahoots to eat as much as possible while they still can. And it seems that there's nothing I can do to stop them. It doesn't help that all the lovely Christmas food and drink is surrounding me, and it also doesn't help that while the band may sort me out physically, it has done nothing whatsoever to make an impact on my brain! But I'm not complaining - I absolutely HAD to have an unfill due to the heartburn and the miniscule amounts of food I was just about able to eat beforehand. My surgeon took out 2mls and it was instant relief. In 9 days time I'm going to ask him to put 1ml back in - here's hoping half way between what I can eat now and what I could eat then will be my sweet spot!