That's how it feels at the moment; I'm either battling the band, or I'm battling food. Whichever it is, I'm not happy or comfortable and I've booked an appointment with my surgeon for an unfill.
It's been just over a year now since I was at a good level of restriction; since then I've had a 2ml unfill and two 0.5ml fills. After the 2ml unfill (the day before B00Bs 2011) I felt immediate relief from the tightness I'd been putting up with/had grown accustomed to and I ate and ate like it was going out of fashion (and boy, did I enjoy it!) Obviously I then needed a fill (or two) to bring me back in line and I thought I'd got there, but in the last couple of months (possibly more because, yet again, I've been putting up with it) the band has got tight again, the heartburn is back and I'm PBing too much. What seems to happen with me as far as fills go is that they can take weeks, if not months, to actually take effect; so really what I need is a fill that initially feels too loose, but which can then tighten up to a good level of restriction over time. Or at least I hope that's what will happen.
I used to love food. Well, that's an obvious statement. I wouldn't have got to 18st 10lbs (262lbs) if I didn't love food. And I still want to love food, but at the moment I just can't enjoy 'proper' food or look forward to enjoying a 'proper' meal. My thoughts are always 'Will I be able to eat it?'; 'How many mouthfuls before I get uncomfortable?'; 'What will I have to do to make things comfortable? walk around, PB, stop after just two bites?' I can't enjoy going out for a meal as I'm too busy worrying about whether there will be anything I can eat on the menu, whether I'll be able to make an excuse mid-meal to go to the bathroom, whether I'll look odd just eating a couple of bites.
I need to start eating proper food again; right now given the choice between a couple of mouthfuls of proper food and the risk of PBing, or eating chocolate/biscuits or some other slider food, I'm taking the easy route and heading straight for the slider foods. Hence, even though I'm too tight I'm not actually losing any weight. I still hover between 13st 11lbs and 13st 13lbs (that's a loss of 3-5lbs from the highest weight I reached after having the big unfill.) Just goes to show that being too tight is about as useful as being too loose when it comes to the band.
It's never easy is it? Seems that lots of us bandsters who are 2-3 years out are suffering in one way or another. Let's hope things get sorted for all of us, one way or another.