Sunday, 10 June 2012

Me vs The Band; Me vs Food

That's how it feels at the moment; I'm either battling the band, or I'm battling food. Whichever it is, I'm not happy or comfortable and I've booked an appointment with my surgeon for an unfill.

It's been just over a year now since I was at a good level of restriction; since then I've had a 2ml unfill and two 0.5ml fills. After the 2ml unfill (the day before B00Bs 2011) I felt immediate relief from the tightness I'd been putting up with/had grown accustomed to and I ate and ate like it was going out of fashion (and boy, did I enjoy it!) Obviously I then needed a fill (or two) to bring me back in line and I thought I'd got there, but in the last couple of months (possibly more because, yet again, I've been putting up with it) the band has got tight again, the heartburn is back and I'm PBing too much. What seems to happen with me as far as fills go is that they can take weeks, if not months, to actually take effect; so really what I need is a fill that initially feels too loose, but which can then tighten up to a good level of restriction over time. Or at least I hope that's what will happen.

I used to love food. Well, that's an obvious statement. I wouldn't have got to 18st 10lbs (262lbs) if I didn't love food. And I still want to love food, but at the moment I just can't enjoy 'proper' food or look forward to enjoying a 'proper' meal. My thoughts are always 'Will I be able to eat it?'; 'How many mouthfuls before I get uncomfortable?'; 'What will I have to do to make things comfortable? walk around, PB, stop after just two bites?' I can't enjoy going out for a meal as I'm too busy worrying about whether there will be anything I can eat on the menu, whether I'll be able to make an excuse mid-meal to go to the bathroom, whether I'll look odd just eating a couple of bites.

I need to start eating proper food again; right now given the choice between a couple of mouthfuls of proper food and the risk of PBing, or eating chocolate/biscuits or some other slider food, I'm taking the easy route and heading straight for the slider foods. Hence, even though I'm too tight I'm not actually losing any weight. I still hover between 13st 11lbs and 13st 13lbs (that's a loss of 3-5lbs from the highest weight I reached after having the big unfill.) Just goes to show that being too tight is about as useful as being too loose when it comes to the band.

It's never easy is it? Seems that lots of us bandsters who are 2-3 years out are suffering in one way or another. Let's hope things get sorted for all of us, one way or another.


  1. I hope your unfill makes eating less of a battle. That is never a good situation to be in.

  2. having just done the unfill and refill scenario..I really think I need to decide what a proper meal is..How do I define it? Is my definition correct or do I expect too much or what? I don't know if this dilemma of mine works with yours but it might so am putting it out there. I do know that I often expect to eat too much and try to eat too fast instead of slowly working on the right foods instead of going for the food that goes down fast and easy (like coffees, chocolate, etc.)...just something to think about anyway.

    So how is Chicago looking? Let me know as I can wait longer than you to decide/book a flight.

    I just posted lots of pics for you :) Would love to see some more of your house. By the way..I am working on a new shop blog if you want to follow it :)

  3. I feel you on this one. But, then again, I have to say Tina really makes a point. I know that many times, when I'm stuck or PB, it's because I've pushed the limits. I'm frustrated too. I don't know what's the right thing to do! Good luck!

  4. Everyone is different, but I will let you know what happened with me. I fought the fill/unfill battle as well. My issue was that I tend to eat what I "can" as opposed to what I should. So when I was tight, I would push the boundaries wanting to eat what wouldn't really fit.

    When I was looser, I would eat mountains of food because I could. But the more I think about it, I wasn't paying attention to the true signs of hunger. I had gotten lazy and wanted the band to do the work for me. And to be perfectly honest, I'm having a really hard time getting out of this rut.

    This whole process is so stupid hard. I just continue to be thankful that my struggle is at my current weight and not my old weight.

    I hope you figure out what will work for you!

  5. I hear ya! But you know youare definetly too tight and too tight does not help you lose weight as you well know. I am like you, I hate it when I have to start obsessing about "Can I eat that" and "when will I feel uncomfortable". That is not a good band life. I know your frustrations, I have felt them too. Hang in there, I think you know the right answers for yourself--you just need to follow your instincts. Good luck!!