Wednesday, 25 April 2012

Busted! And thank you to Sarah.

Those of you who are "friends" with me on FaceB00k will have seen this already, but I want to share it here too. It's a little conversation I had with my darling boy (aged 3 years and 1 month); it went like this

Arthur: 'I want a Mummy biscuit.'
Me: 'What's a Mummy biscuit?'
Arthur: 'It's got chocolate on it.'

Totally busted.

(But don't lecture me on setting a bad example to my child. No doubt there are plenty of other things I do that are even worse and he's destined to be a chocolate-eating sociopath/psycopath with no teeth.)

And talking of being busted, here's a very pertinent comment that Sarah left after my last post where I moaned about not being able to eat (enough) 'proper' food and turning to sliders (ie chocolate) instead:

"Are you eating the chocolate because you can't eat anything else or telling yourself you can't eat anything else so you can eat the chocolate?"

And, do you know what, that hadn't even occured to me. Talk about a lightbulb moment. Ever since I read Sarah's comment I've been making much more of an effort to eat 'proper' food, and actually think about what/how I'm eating rather than simply turning to the chocolate because I expect to have an issue and therefore think it's not even worth trying. And as a result, I ate some fish for dinner on Monday evening, 3/4 of a cheese sandwich for lunch yesterday, and half a pepper, cheese, ham and onion omelette for dinner last night. And I ate a LOT less chocolate as a result.

Sometimes I wonder about where my band brain has gone!

Monday, 23 April 2012

Confused. Sometimes Frustrated

My band is frustrating me at the moment. It seems to have gone into 'too tight' mode again; or at least what I consider to be 'too tight'. It's not so bad that I can't still eat and/or drink. It fact it's not so bad that I can't even do both at the same time (if I'm very careful.) It's just that it feels that I've slipped into that mode of not being able to eat enough of the good foods and therefore I'm supplementing my intake with sliders (mostly in the form of chocolate.)

Is this just wishful thinking: what I'd like to be able to do is eat more of what I consider to be 'proper' food - you know, fruit, veg, meat, everyday foods - in order to get some more nutrients/goodness in my system, and in the hope that it will stop me eating so much crapola. But, is it wishful thinking? If I have a very small unfill, will I eat more good things, or simply eat even more crapola? Dare I take the chance?! The last time I had an unfill, when things had got really, really tight, I went crazy in the eating department and managed to gain 24lbs in about 12 weeks. That. Is. Not. Good.

However, the other thing that is frustrating me is that depsite having good (or is it too much?) restriction, I've only managed to shed 6 of those pesky 24lbs since my fill in January.

So, I can't eat much regular food; I supplement it with bad food; therefore I still consume too many calories; therefore I shed the pounds. What to do?

But in happier news, which makes me wonder if all my moaning above is pointless, when I weighed this morning I did see a new (second time around) low of

13st 10lbs - 192lbs - BMI 31.9

(a total loss so far of 70lbs - 24lbs to go)

And this is what makes me confused. Because right now, having seen this weight, I will think to myself 'Yay, that's the whole point of this band thing - you eat less, you lose some weight', but the next time I'm struggling over a few mouthfuls of something that I really want to be able to enjoy (ie dinner, most nights) I'll be thinking 'Is it worth it? I just want to eat some food and enjoy it'. Gaaaaaaaah!