Friday 29 June 2012

Unfill. Now That Feels Better!

Woot woot! Last Wednesday I finally got my unfill. My surgeon took out 0.25mls; it made a difference straight away and I feel sooooo much better! I can eat more, but not too much, so it feels a little bit like I'm back at my sweet spot (obviously now I've said that, I'll have totally jinxed it.) I can eat 'regular' food again and it feels so liberating. I'm enjoying the whole 'what shall I have for lunch today?' thing, instead of the 'I wonder if I can manage a cracker today?' thing.

On the negative side, I've put on 4lbs (so I'm back up to 14st 1lb/197lbs) but I expect that's a combination of some over-eating on my part (due to the novelty of it all!) and my body grabbing on to all the calories I'm putting in because it's worried I'll be starving it again soon. But 4lbs is worth it for the ability to eat regular food again.

In other news, I just booked us (me, hubby, small child and my mum) flights to Orlando and New York City for November/December this year! Disney here we come! Shopping in NYC here we come! We'll be in NYC for my birthday, which makes me very, very happy! I'm going to have to plan an entire day of fabulousness, starting with pancakes and maple syrup for breakfast and ending with dinner somewhere wonderful (oh, did that sound like my day was going to revolve around food?!)

Wednesday 13 June 2012

A Fabulous Support System

It's been said numerous times before, but it's worth mentioning again - what a fantastic support system this community of banded bloggers is. We offer each other words of wisdom, words of encouragement, words of support and understanding. It's good to know that there are others who know what we are all going through - whether it's good stuff (NSVs, dropping a dress size, reaching goal, and non-band stuff like new babies, weddings, etc), or not so good stuff (band issues, life issues, issues about issues.)

So, thank you once again for your words of support about my too-tight band. At least I've been here before with the same issue so I know that an unfill will (should?!) do the trick; and due to having the same issue before I have at least been able to come to the conclusion that the unfill is needed much sooner than I did last time!

Just one week to go til my surgeon appointment; there's light at the end of the tunnel!

Monday 11 June 2012

Thank You For Your Comments

Thanks to my fellow bandsters for your comments on my previous post. Your thoughts on how to know what is enough or too much food for a bandster to eat are running through my head. But, without trying to make excuses, I really do feel like I'm not able to eat enough; it doesnt seem to matter what I try - pasta, omelette, fish, crackers, cheese, ham - after just a couple of mouthfuls I'm full and/or (very) uncomfortable. I really think I should be able to eat more than two mouthfuls for at least three reasons: 1) I need my little boy to see me eat a sensible amount of food, without having to get up from the table to walk around and help the food go down or dash off to the bathroom. I want him to see me enjoy food rather than being stressed over it; I don't want him to think that Mummy has issues around food. 2) I need to eat more 'proper' food from a nutrition aspect. My gums are starting to recede and my hair is getting thin. These things could be coincidental, or they could be a result of my poor diet. 3) I want and need to be able to enjoy food again. For my own sanity. I want to know when I sit down to a meal at home or in a restaurant that I'm going to be able to eat a sensible (bandster) size portion. I am also suffering from heartburn and I know that's definitely not right. So, it's time for an unfill. Maybe 0.25mls, maybe 0.5mls. And then I'll have to see where things go.

Sunday 10 June 2012

Me vs The Band; Me vs Food

That's how it feels at the moment; I'm either battling the band, or I'm battling food. Whichever it is, I'm not happy or comfortable and I've booked an appointment with my surgeon for an unfill.

It's been just over a year now since I was at a good level of restriction; since then I've had a 2ml unfill and two 0.5ml fills. After the 2ml unfill (the day before B00Bs 2011) I felt immediate relief from the tightness I'd been putting up with/had grown accustomed to and I ate and ate like it was going out of fashion (and boy, did I enjoy it!) Obviously I then needed a fill (or two) to bring me back in line and I thought I'd got there, but in the last couple of months (possibly more because, yet again, I've been putting up with it) the band has got tight again, the heartburn is back and I'm PBing too much. What seems to happen with me as far as fills go is that they can take weeks, if not months, to actually take effect; so really what I need is a fill that initially feels too loose, but which can then tighten up to a good level of restriction over time. Or at least I hope that's what will happen.

I used to love food. Well, that's an obvious statement. I wouldn't have got to 18st 10lbs (262lbs) if I didn't love food. And I still want to love food, but at the moment I just can't enjoy 'proper' food or look forward to enjoying a 'proper' meal. My thoughts are always 'Will I be able to eat it?'; 'How many mouthfuls before I get uncomfortable?'; 'What will I have to do to make things comfortable? walk around, PB, stop after just two bites?' I can't enjoy going out for a meal as I'm too busy worrying about whether there will be anything I can eat on the menu, whether I'll be able to make an excuse mid-meal to go to the bathroom, whether I'll look odd just eating a couple of bites.

I need to start eating proper food again; right now given the choice between a couple of mouthfuls of proper food and the risk of PBing, or eating chocolate/biscuits or some other slider food, I'm taking the easy route and heading straight for the slider foods. Hence, even though I'm too tight I'm not actually losing any weight. I still hover between 13st 11lbs and 13st 13lbs (that's a loss of 3-5lbs from the highest weight I reached after having the big unfill.) Just goes to show that being too tight is about as useful as being too loose when it comes to the band.

It's never easy is it? Seems that lots of us bandsters who are 2-3 years out are suffering in one way or another. Let's hope things get sorted for all of us, one way or another.