Thursday, 26 July 2012

My "Freakout" Weight (Trade Mark Amy's Heather)

So, I was reading this post by Amy Sunkist a couple of days ago and it really struck a chord as just a couple of days earlier I had seen what Amy's Heather describes as my "freakout" weight. When the scales blinked back at me with 14st 3lbs (199lbs), I said to myself "Right, that's it, it doesn't go any higher than this." And, as it happens it hasn't gone any higher, in fact I've managed to nudge my weight back to 14st 2lbs (198lbs). But still, things are not all good in the 'hood, because teetering on the brink of 'onederland' the wrong way is not the place I want to be!

Since my unfill at the end of June I've gained about 4lbs, which isn't so dreaful, but when you consider that just before B00Bs 2011 I weighed 12st 6lbs (174lbs), then I'm currently 24lbs over my lowest ever weight and that is a bit more on the side of dreadful than I'd like it to be. Admittedly, that lowest ever weight only came about because my band was ridiculously tight and I was surviving on crackers and coffee, but 24lbs is a considerable amount to have packed back on in 10 months.

Although I loved being 12st 6lbs - my UK size 16 (US size 12) clothes fitted really nicely and I felt very happy (I might even say a tad smug) with my weightloss - I don't desparately want to be back at that weight. But I really would like to get down to about 13-and-a-half stone (189lbs), so that's the goal I've decided to set myself, which means I'd like to lose 9lbs. In the grand scheme of things it shouldn't be too difficult, but then that 'grand scheme' doesn't involve self-sabotage on a daily basis with biscuits, chocolate and cakes.

Why is it that losing weight now is so difficult? I was thinking about it yesterday in terms of the alphabet. Let's say we call my starting weight (262lbs) 'A', and we call my lowest weight (174lbs) 'Z', and we call my current weight somewhere in the region of 'R'; why is it that the downward journey from A - Z was relatively straightforward the first time round? In all honesty, the weight came off with very little input from me - no watching what I was eating, no exercise. Then I hit 'Z' and had to have an unfill because the band was making life difficult/uncomfortable/not healthy. And then I bounced back up to 'T' and I stuck around there for a while and then the band became uncomfortable again and another unfill has left me at 'R'. But why is that? Why did I not stay around 'X', or 'Y'? I wouldn't have expected to stay at 'Z' after my initial unfill because I was eating so little at that point that any extra food would have translated to extra lbs. But why is it that with the band at a good level of restriction, I'm not gliding through the letters on my way to 'Z' like I did the first time round?

I was talking to a non-banded friend about this and she pointed out to me the obvious fact that as we lose weight our bodies become used to being that lower weight and in order to maintain that weight we need fewer calories and/or more exercise. Unfortunately my brain has yet to catch up with the fact that I need fewer and fewer calories and my hands/mouth don't help either... Not to mention the fact that I am LAZY with a capital LAZY and the thought of exercising brings me out in hives.

I know I'm not the only one who is struggling with this at the moment, which makes me feel a bit better (not because others are suffering, but because it means I'm not rowing this boat on my own.) And, it's interesting that several bandsters are considering having/have had the sleeve or bypass. I've not considered either of these options (yet), but I wonder what I would/will do if I feel that the band is no longer the tool that I need/hope/want it to be? I think that pre-banding I expected to be 'cured' from my addiciton to food once the band was in place (as if by magic), but clearly that hasn't happened yet and may indeed never happen, so I can completely understand why bandsters never want their band removed or chose to have other weightloss surgery after the band.

I've just come across this article (in a newspaper I would never chose to read, admittedly) which has some interesting points/quotes such as

‘In a way, losing the weight is the easy part, it’s changing your lifestyle and keeping it off that’s hard.’
This post has been a bit of a ramble, but I'm sure most of you know where I'm coming from, and I just wanted to blog so that you know I'm still here, still writing occasionally and still reading your blogs whenever I can. Onwards and downwards, my banded chums.


  1. Your post could be one big ditto on my life. It is as if you went into my brain and picked out all my thoughts. As you said, it is nice to know we are not rowing this boat alone. Wow, I need some help because mind over matter is just not cutting it right now. Good luck with your struggles!

  2. That post was like a math equation for a second! hahah x + r =Z(8-M).

    I was thinking about freakout weights yesterday, and I still feel like even if I set one, if I am in a mood when I see it...I probably wont do what's needed to go back down! our heads are jacked up.

    I do know I don't want to be that statistic that says most WLS patients gain at least 10% from their lowest. No ma'am. I want to be the statistic relating to how many keep it off!

  3. i personally like the math part :) get a ditto from me here too. I got all the way down to my final Z and here I am back and M struggling like crazy too..I really think that part will never go away. heck--I am even refilled to the max.

    I really think we are smart beings and our brain is always actively struggling with our tummies to keep on whatever weight our brains deem the right one (and not the part of the brain that we control). My stupid brain seems to think that the upper end of 100 is preferable to my preferred lower side. It makes me crave every blooming item that will slip past the band in order to get the calories needed to keep e near the top. In the beginning my stupid brain handn't figured out how to sneak things it knows...and it is determined to win.

    So the thing do we make our brains a little slower :) or like vegetables and exercise more...that is what those doctors need to figure out.